| mah. |
[Feb. 18th, 2008|03:11 pm] |
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| I WAS A FOOL TO BELIEVE; my heart lied while you cried |
[Sep. 12th, 2007|06:32 pm] |
_i feel like being alone in my house makes me think more. it opens my eyes up to other things than just school. i feel like im kinda thinking under the surface things about myself. i have changed during this past year, sometimes i changed for the better, but sometimes i changed for the worse. i cant understand what went wrong in my life and how it turned upside down, and then right side up again. i feel like it all happened too fast. i tried to run away from my problems, but they only caught up. i tried to hide my feelings and deny some stuff about how i felt, and that was wrong to do. i understand that. i have learned to just let things go, and try to forget. i've forgiven everyone that has hurt me in the past, and most of them are my friends now, or at least we know whats happening between one another. andrew, hes been a big part of my life for the last 3 years of my life. it was hard to let him go, its been about 5 months since we broke up, and nothing can be the same anymore, both of us know that. both of our heart were hurt by what happened, but we both are moving on with our lives, and i just wish that my mom could just accept it. theres a thousand things that i can say to him, but the words just wont come out when we see each other. if youre asking if things will ever be the same, no they wont. they will just stay this way, because we are better off as friend. i lost many friends this past year, friends that i trusted and that i know its my fault for losing them, but they are to blame also.
_you called yourself my best friend, but how can a best friend just shut you out like that? you were the one that said you were gonna talk to me when you feel like it, this was back in june. what? are you just not up to talk to me yet? lets be real. we are pretty grown up to no do this. this type of shit is like elementary shit. i called you something that you needed to hear, but you didnt want to, you should realize that i called you that because i am you friend, you needed a reality check, and it sucks that i was the only real friend that could give it to you. you were my best friend, i swear, we were ride or die chicks, i wanted to stick through everything with you, but its sad that it had to come down to this. i know you, and you know me. if our relationship was meant to be, than we will find our way back to each other. |
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| WONT YOU STAY; save room for my love, save room for a moment to be with me |
[Jun. 15th, 2007|02:43 pm] |
life, its been looking up for the first time since march. i smile a lot more than before. yet again i changed my perspective on things. i only have a few friends i can count on, a few friends that i can hang out with and not get bored. hanging out with marvin santos has made me happy. that guy is practically my brother. we hung out every day during finals week. chillin with virginia again is fun too. i love her so much, because now we are closer than ever. michelle lavarias, my babygirl. keep yo head up son!. you can stand under my umbrella anytime. evkids; ian, alyson, lance, ben, terence, irvin. you guys are super fun.
so yesterday after finals, me, marv, and jim went to ev. and hung out for a little bit. jimmy left and then it was just me and marvin. i was supposed to talk to ian about life, but noooo he went out to eat, so i just chilled with the guys. we went bowling. team tereezy, irvinito, & michelle vs. team falco, lastdancelance, & partyboy. after that we went to lances to chill for a bit. and me and terence went to drop off ben, pick up virginia and grab some clothes to go swimming. swimming at terences was fun. talking to virginia about girl stuff ya know? yeahhh. oh gosh i have butterflies still. haha then we got out, went to the hot shower. stayed in there with irvin for a little bit. he told me stuff, i told him stuff. then after we went back to terences and dressed and went to kfc.
summer is going to be hella fun, i can already feel it. |
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| NEVER NEVER LET A BROKEN HEART; take a chance of love away |
[Jun. 7th, 2007|07:53 pm] |
let go of your inhabitions and just go with the flow
the lord has been kind to me lately. helping me just move though life. blessing me with the friends i have. even if there are speedbumps, they only last for a little while right lord? through the pain, i see that im healing. ive come to a place in my life where i can truly pick out the ones that matter. the end of the school year has come. although there were many instances where i wanted to just let go, i didnt. i had the drive to make it through the year. the life i have right now, i would never want to trade in for anything. im just trying to live life the way its supposed to be |
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| I TRIED AND TRIED TO TELL YOU; i love you but im letting go |
[Jun. 5th, 2007|05:13 pm] |
NEW MAROON 5, CIRCA SURVIVE AND MY AMERICAN HEART CDS ARE TO DIE FOR!
im so tired from everrrything. so prom is going to be fun next year, i already know it because we have to plan everything =]. brigadoon with my cool kids is going to be great today. wooohoo!. im so excited for everything this is my last week at school! yayy. next month i get my license woohoo. everythings going great for me finally. i have everone i want in my life. i bet you wish you were me. |
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| THINGS DONT CHANGE; people change |
[Jun. 4th, 2007|07:21 am] |
throughout my whole life, i was always scared of change. i looked around and found myself in slow motion while everyone was at a fast pace. i realized that change is something that you can do for the good of yourself. i changed myself to be the person i am now. i am a realist at times and an optimist at other times. but mainly i look at my life as carpe diem. seize the day. you never know if today is your last day on earth, so might as well live it up everyday. i try not to plan ahead now, it doesnt get you anywhere much. i used to think of my life through this narrow tunnel, but now thanks to someone i think of it as a wide lense. i see the better in people, i live for the greater good of the world instead of for myself.
i changed in a big way after the accident happened. i erased some of the memories that i just cant bear to have in my head. they are just strands now. i live everyday for me now, instead of living it for other people. i now as the question how can i help you instead of can you help me? look around you, there are so many people in your life that are changing, but if youre there to accept their change, then you will still have that person in your life. help them breathe and reassure them that you will be next to them while they change.
change is something that anyone can get away from. we all change at some point in our life. there are speedbumps in the way, but you just have to cruise and get past them. make change good instead of bad. change for yourself instead of changing for others. take change as an oportunity to make a better future for yourself.
i changed because of a certain someone. i couldnt help but change my ways of living. |
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| I NEVER KNEW PERFECTION; till i heard you speak |
[Jun. 3rd, 2007|09:58 am] |
"waking up is hard to do, sleeping is impossible too. everything reminds me of you, what can i do? its not alright, its not ok. say the words that you say. maybe were better off this way. im not fine in in pain. its harder everyday. maybe were better off this way. its better that we break"
_life has been one hell of a roller coaster since september 26. my last entry. being a class officer changed my whole schedule of school. it kind of made me study a little more. me and andrew broke up in april. and its now june. its hard to get over. it seems like life has been throwing all these things that i cant handle. i know people say, god doesnt throw things at you that you cant handle, but i cant handle these things. but maybe its just me. the retreat opened my eyes to a lot of things. it opened my eyes to see the people that really cred about me. not just those people i call my friends at school. we created bonds that i hope will never ever break. i got close to a lot of people. its been a trip getting to know them. prom was fun. i went with sean grey. lets just keep it at that.
_ive been trying and trying to realize whats going on in my life. i want to try to catch up with myself. i try to top myself every year. im going to be a senior next year. its already been 4 years knowing the same people. i met new people on the way to this point, people that will never ever leave me. ive gained so many new friends. i just wish that i could have realized this before hand. im the new senior class vice president. i dont know how i will do that. and michelle d. wants me to be a core member of confirmation next year. that would be a big task too. according to mr. k. i can only have 4 things on my plate. 1. Calculus AP, 2. 08 Vice, 3. Confirmation, 4. clubs, boyfriend, volunteering? beats me. i still need a fourth thing. but at this point calculus is going to be one of my top priorities. i need to show my parents that i have potential and that im not all stupid.
_to sum this up, i dont know what is going on with my life and i wish i did |
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| THOSE TYPES OF DAYS; where i feel so helpless. |
[Sep. 26th, 2006|05:30 pm] |
so these couple of months have been great. yah know until i started school. school is horrible for me right now. im so now feeling it. i have going to school. PERIOD. i hate my classes. i just most of the time dont want to be there. i hang out with krizia and loraine, who are like my best friends, since theres noone else as trusting as them. school + tahitian + class officer + fyc + cru= total mess. dont get me wrong i love all of them. i could drop fyc because its not fun anymore. trust me. its not the same as 4 years ago when i first started out and everything was great. sometimes i feel like its a little bit boring. i love the kuyas and ate les. but i just dont feel like its what i got myself into the first time. like i miss the ogs. like yabbs and rach. its not the same. i see myself breaking into the person i dont want to be. i could bear not being in kasama and fyc. because i have tha tahitian club and that is truly fantastic. i swear its the greatest. class has been good. not as great as i wanted it to be, but its good. i just wish that i could do all of these things and not be stressed.
on a lighter note. John Mayer is coming into town on Sunday, but damn thats the first session of confirmation plus i might be going to see my grandma in daly city that weekend. but its all good. me and andrew are still going strong, to think about it. its almost going to be a year. yeah. so close to november. im turning 16 FINALLY. on the 15th of october. yeah. thank god ive been waiting. yeah thats it for now |
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| IM NOT USED TO; seeing light everywhere |
[Aug. 13th, 2006|11:18 pm] |
"you came along to show you care and now there is color every where."
its funny how this time last year i was into doing all that bad stuff that wasnt really meant for me to do. how i always made people worried about how i was feeling. how i always had a fake smile on my face. i all of a sudden opened my eyes this summer that there is a purpose for me being on the earth. im a daughter, a niece, a grandaughter, a cousin, an aunt, and a girlfriend. last year at this time i was just out of it. i was a newly single girl who didnt know what to do because i was devistated about what happened to me. i was so inlove that i didnt know what to do. but something tells me it wasnt even love it was just that puppy love that you get every so often. i think that 2 weeks to the philippines made me realize that i do live a great life here in the states. just looking at the squaters there and seeing all the kids just playing in the dirty water it made me think, if im not happy with the life im living in the states, how could they be happy here? then i told myself that i took advantage of what i have in the states. i have a great house, great friends, a great family, and a great boyfriend. through those two weeks i opened my eyes to the real world. on tv they show all the good things about the philippines like the great beaches and the great scenery. but then i saw theres nothing great about that. i was attatched to my family for 2 weeks. inseperable. all the fun times we had. even just talking to my cousins were fine. talking to teresa was great because we havent seen in about 10 years. maybe last time i saw her was when she came to live in the states. talking to kuya kiko about things that noone else knows. not even andrew knows. i could just open up to them because i know they will always be there no matter what time of day or no matter what season or what year, they will just be there even if they have a problem. i keep telling myself just live life to the fullest because you dont know when its your last. when i look back on the things ive done inthe past i dont regret one thing because with the love that my family has given me its made me realize that i dont need to regret, i just need to remember not to do that ever again. i wont give in to the pressure of the people around me. im up for anything i wont give up on myself in the future. i will be me and if no one likes me, they can just kiss my butt. =]
on a lighter note im really happy with myself and how i can just say no to people who have been bad influences to me. how i can just tell myself screw you when i needed a friend you werent there, but now youre trying to stick yourself in my friends list? im proud of myself for telling everyone how i feel about them. like how i find someone stupid right now and she should know who she is and why i think shes stupid.
_michelle. |
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